Quixotic Iconoclast

Remember, kids: Safety first, danger second!

fuck it, i’m just sad now so i want a burrito

a student died last week. i celebrated my birthday this weekend.

these are both things that happened in close temporal proximity to one another. rarity or commonality are a non-issue. things happen one after the other, and in between those times, without regards to any sort of narrative we would like to make of specific ones of our choosing, and yet we do it anyways.

shit happens, the universe is indifferent, and i want a burrito right now so i’m doing it

uhhh decision-making time

sleep now while slightly hungry and wake up relatively well-rested

or grab food, eat,have difficulty sleeping immediately afterwards and do SOME studying in a sleep-deprived and food-coma’d state which will water down the benefits of such an effort?

welp anyways as far as teaching tomorrw nbd really. another speech day, but there’s a pretty good chance that some of my students knew the student who died of meningitis.

i don’t even know if i’m vaccinated against meningitis. my mom will check the records tomorrow i guess. but yeah, might have to do a mini-counseling session/meningitis PSA.

i mean, that really fucking sucks. on the one hand, i personally don’t hold any illusions that i won’t die or my life won’t get irrecovably ruined “before my time” because what the fuck should the universe care about that shit? nothing makes me special and, at least from an armchair perspective sort of way, i don’t think the universe owes me an interesting and fulfilling life until past the age of 50. now, if i became paralyzed from the waist-down sometime within the next five years i bet i’d be pretty salty about that in actuality though. i can claim so much maganimity and enlightenment because i have so much, relatively speaking.

but either way, 18 is too young to die and from a cause of death that i understand to be preventable. that’s just dumb and that sucks forever. i didn’t even have a personality or a driving motivation in life that came from anything positive or of my own choosing when i was 18. i reallly hope that student led a more fulfilling life up until his/her time of death before last week. an easier life, or a more impressive life, or both, than what i had when i was 18. 

i think it was a she. she’s dead, and for those of us still alive, living just seems kind of a shitty deal because of shit like that.